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Social communication involves more than spoken words. When we communicate socially, we consider context, tone, facial expressions, turn-taking, and modulation of our speech or language when appropriate. But autistic children often do not pick up on these social rules automatically. They might talk, however, still struggle with social communication cues, such as when to talk, how much to talk, how loudly to talk, and body language.
Parents usually start thinking about support, such as speech therapy for children, when they realise that their child may talk well but not in social situations. They may have a good vocabulary but might have difficulty joining a conversation, replying appropriately, or waiting for their turn to speak. Understanding why this happens is the first step toward meaningful support.
Social rules nobody told you about
Think about how we use language socially. We know when to speak and for how long. We can adjust our body language, tone, and words depending on who we’re talking to and what we’re discussing.
Many autistic individuals don’t automatically know these rules. For example, conversations require you to read subtle hints. The other person might briefly lift their eyebrows to indicate they’ve finished their thought and are ready for you to speak.
They may lean forward and nod when they want you to keep talking. They may change their tone or facial expression to indicate that they aren’t interested, don’t understand, or want to change the topic.
Without these sorts of signals, conversation can be quite random for autistic children. Literal thinkers by nature, many autistic people rely on straightforward statements of fact, which can cause problems in social communication.
Taking Turns & Conversational Flow
Another important part of social communication is conversational flow and turn-taking. Children with autism often have a hard time knowing when to speak next.
Some might talk extensively about their favourite subject without realising that the other person has stopped listening. Others might find it hard to know when to jump into a conversation. This can make conversations one-sided, even if the child wants to interact.
Understanding the theory of mind
Communication also relies on understanding that the person you’re talking to might have a different perspective, thoughts, feelings, or ideas. This concept is known as the theory of mind.
Autistic children will often have trouble reading someone else’s mind, so to speak. They might not realise what other people expect to hear in a conversation.
They may offer too much or too little information, talk about irrelevant things, or simply not know how to add context to their answers. This isn’t because they’re not bright or don’t understand the concept being discussed. It’s just that social information can be tricky!
Role of sensory processing
The environment can also affect communication. If you’re in a crowded place with a lot of background noise, trying to listen to what someone is saying can be difficult.
Your child might understand everything you say but still struggle to reply at the same time because they’re so focused on blocking out the surrounding noise. When children are overloaded by their environment, communication tends to become more difficult. It is not because of their language skills, but because they simply can’t process any more information.
Emotional regulation
Similarly, if children are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just don’t know what to say, it can be tough to process language and respond in real time. This may be even more pronounced in social situations where the child doesn’t know what’s expected of them.
They may clam up and not say much at all, or they may say things that seem out of left field. Helping children with their emotional regulation can have a big impact on their communication skills.
How can parents help with social communication
Parents can help their children with social communication but forcing them to behave a certain way in social situations isn’t the answer.
Instead, parents should provide their child with as many real-life opportunities to practice social communication as possible. Regular play dates, playtime, participating in activities with you, and casual conversations can help your child learn how to take turns.
It will also help them begin to pick up on context clues so that they don’t feel like they have to say everything they’re thinking bluntly. It also helps to be clear and consistent in your communication. Children are very intuitive. If they know what to expect from you, they’ll be more likely to listen and respond.
Be patient
Remember that social communication is a skill that takes time to learn. There will be good days and bad days. Don’t get discouraged if your child takes a step backward after taking a few steps forward.
If they start maintaining eye contact more often or begin to reply more during conversations, that’s progress. Celebrate the small victories. Chances are, you’ll notice your child’s communication skills improve over time.
Communication is just one piece of the puzzle. Children on the autistic spectrum are unique thinkers who experience and interact with the world differently from others. The key is to focus on connecting with your child. If you can do that, you’ll find that your child will find a way to communicate with you in return. If you would like additional support, you can consider an autism assessment in London or elsewhere. It can provide deeper insight into a child’s communication style and help shape appropriate support strategies.